What would you do if your spouse's mother deliberately refused to ask how her sick grandchild was doing?
When my husband's mother called him after three years of no communication to see how he was doing, she did not ask how our daughter was doing, despite the baby having a life threatening illness. This small omission should be a Huge wake up call to him, but it confirms what I have been saying for years.
Not only was I invisible to them during our courtship and then marriage, but now my child is also invisible. But I just put a positive spin to it all. God keeps from us anything and anyone who will cause us harm. By protecting us from evil thoughts, wishes, and desires that others may have for us, leaves us open for peace, joy, and success to enter. Here is a perfect example of what I mean......
Talk about freaky-- I've had this little card with a boat on the front that reads, "Thinking of you" and inside the card it says Hope--"Of all the forces that make for a better world, none is so powerful as hope. With hope, one can think, one can work, one can dream. If you have hope, you have everything." A couple of days ago, I turned the card over to see where it came from, would you believe it's from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. I've had this card for years. BEFORE Giza was diagnosed with cancer. It's as if God knew and was preparing me, and letting me know, He would be with me. I just can't believe it.
Turn your situation around by believing in good. Trust that good will come and success will be yours. I can't promise how long, but I will be in agreement with you that God will send it your way.
She's not my mother-in-law: She's my husband's mother
Monday, October 21, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Advice: My boyfriend’s mother introduces me as her daughter-in-law
I saw this story on-line and thought it made a good point. What do you think? At first we see that this is the boyfriend's job to pull mom aside and say something, but then we read that the girlfriend should tell his mother something. Which one do you think is the better choice?
By CAROLYN HAX, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
tellme@washpost.com
Dear Carolyn:
My boyfriend's mother has started introducing me to her friends as her "daughter-in-law." There's a long history of her discomfort with the fact that her son and I aren't married (yet/ever?), and I'm not sure how to address this new wrinkle. Should I just leave it alone, since it's relatively harmless and probably makes her feel better in her social circle, or correct the inaccurate label?
-- Maryland
What has your boyfriend thought or done about it? This is his move before it's yours. I hope he greets it with a pull-aside and a discreet, "Mom, please cut the (crud). Thank you."
- If she's doing it when he's not around to hear it, then I suggest speaking up to her afterward, in private. "I appreciate how welcoming you are, but calling me your daughter-in-law leaves me with two awkward choices: to correct you or to deceive others. I hope you'll understand that I'd rather not do either one."Obviously I disagree that her using this terms is "relatively harmless." What she's doing is manipulative and wrong -- forcing her views, really, under a veil of propriety, family and apple pie.
- Re: Non-daughter-in-law:
Is it manipulative to use a formal term for an informal relationship? I used to refer to my (now, really, truly) stepmother as such when she and my dad were cohabiting. It was mostly for simplicity's sake but also to introduce her in relation to me, and there was no other good term for it. Dad could call her any number of things, but all I had was "Dad's live-in girlfriend," which felt impersonal, or "stepmom."
-- Anonymous
Remember, we're talking about a situation where "there's a long history of her discomfort" -- hence my reading it as manipulative.
To answer your general question: Whenever you're not sure, ask. "I don't like to call you X because it feels Y. OK if I call you Z?
It can also be helpful to err on the side of omission. Of the three pieces of information -- "Dad's," "live-in," "girlfriend" -- how many did your listener really need?
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Mother's Day
Wow, what a beautiful mother's day this year turned out to be. The weather was nice, the company, and food. How was yours? I read on one of the stepmother's posts that stepmother's day is the wknd after Mother's Day. I have mixed feelings about that one. Do you? This year was extra special for me because my little girl is just about old enough to scribble a little something on my card at only 16 months old. How sweet to see a little card that says from your daughter. I've raised two handsome strong young men and starting over with a little girl. How has this year been different for you? Did you spend time with your mother-in-law? I'd like to hear from you. I know it's been a while since I've blogged, but we were hit with a tidal wave last year with the baby's cancer and I don't have to tell you that my priorities have taken a different turn. Drop me a line and share your story with us.
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